Memorial Day

In September 2007, at an away rugby game, an emotional Army coach gathered the team. One of their former teammates, a second lieutenant who had graduated only four months earlier, had died in Lawton, Oklahoma. Dave Lodwick was respected and loved. Two years older than Steve, “Loddy” had taken Steve in under his wing, befriended, and mentored him.

Loddy was the first of Steve’s closest friends to die. There would be too many more.

From 2005 - 2009, when Steve was a cadet, if a West Point graduate died during the War on Terror, his or her name was announced to the corps of cadets during the lunch meal. Steve and his classmates heard roughly 45 names over those four years. Some had been upperclassmen, recent graduates. Some had been cadets when Steve lived at West Point as a kid.

But the realities of the war extended beyond West Point’s gates. Before Steve’s junior year of high school, our family moved to Enterprise, Alabama. The first kid Steve met was the other wide receiver on the football team, Andrew. A compassionate hard worker, Andrew and Steve spent much time together, on and off the field. After high school, when Steve left for West Point; Andrew enlisted. Steve was a second lieutenant at Ft. Hood, Texas, when Specialist Andrew Hand was killed in an IED attack in Afghanistan on July 24, 2010.

Six months after Andrew’s death, Steve deployed to Iraq with the 1st Cavalry Division. A month later, on February 20, 2011, Steve’s West Point classmate, Daren Hidalgo, died in Afghanistan in an IED attack. Daren was 24 years old.

Four months after Daren’s death, on June 25, 2011, Dimitri Del Castillo, “Del”, a West Point classmate, rugby teammate, and husband of one of Steve’s closest friends at West Point, died in Afghanistan when his unit was attacked by small arms fire.

On July 10, 2011, Sergeant Steven Talamentez, a soldier in Steve’s company, in Iraq with Steve, died when enemy forces attacked their unit with indirect fire.

On August 23, 2011, Tim Steele, another West Point classmate, died in an IED attack in Afghanistan.

And the list goes on. Greg McSween, a Marine officer and family friend, died suddenly Nov 9, 2021. Adam Ewoldsen, West Point grad, rugby player, and close friend, died suddenly on March 25, 2022. Nick Fogle, a flight school classmate and family friend, died July 6, 2022.

Steve knew too many people whose lives were cut short too soon. And he never forgot them. He thought of them daily. He rotated memorial bracelets. In every photo we have of him— his wedding, the birth of his boys, at ball games, watching surfing videos on the couch —he always wore a memorial bracelet. There were three bracelets in his truck console when he left for Cyprus.

To Steve, Memorial Day was more than just a “four-day”. It was important. It was a day to remember. To honor.

It’s no great surprise that Steve chose to remember by working out. He started the day in his garage, typically doing the “Murph”, a challenging workout dedicated to honor Michael Murphy, a Navy Seal who died in 2005. Steve always pushed himself beyond the limit. He never gave up; he never quit. On Memorial Day, he gave even more. He remembered them. He honored them.

But he also lived for them.

After his workout, he joined the world. With respect. Memorial Day wasn’t the 4th. It wasn’t a party. But there were burgers. There was beer. Family. Friends.

I don’t know how he did it. I know these losses tore him up. But somehow, he packed that grief away and focused on gratitude and love. He chose to live with such positivity, with such enthusiasm for life.

I know he’d want us to do the same.

He’d want us to — no, he’d expect us to — work out. And leave the gym utterly exhausted and spent.

He’d want us to honor them: Loddy, Andrew, Daren, Del, SGT T, Tim, Greg, Ewok, Nick, and all the others. He’d want us to really think about the sacrifices our military members have made for our freedom. He’d want us to honor the guys he was with: Shane, Tanner, Andy, Cade. He’d be proud to see us honor the Fallen Heroes we never knew, but whose Gold Star Families we’ve met since November 10, 2023. He’d be glad that we know their stories; that we care.

And, mostly, he’d want us to love each other. To be with our family. Our friends. He’d want us to live every day on this earth to the fullest- for those who aren’t here to live theirs.